blind faith

in times of ugliness and pain

I’m sure there’s a study somewhere that has done this or some big shot philosopher might’ve said this: but our brain is fear-based. It functions through the lens of fear and the worst case scenarios, it sees the world through potential threats and enemies, it builds the world in our head that is one that feels like a torture chamber; one wrong move and you might end up being pierced in the heart, or (in my infrequent fantasies), in the eyeball.

It does not seem a farfetched conspiracy to say that the person who created capitalism banked on that attribute of ours, and somehow throughout the process of history, we have created a very very small group of people in the world who continues to make bank on the fear of others, as the others continue to react, response and live life through the fear and die being more fearful than when they started. And that fear gets passed down through the generations, solidifying in our bones, blood clots in our organs causing terminal illnesses, cancers, short circuits in our brains, hiding away knowledge at an attempt to protect our fragility but it backfires and we’re called losers, failures, the dirt at the bottom of this sewage system.

In my practice and work with the Demidov technique, it is part of my craft to train myself intentionally to have blind faith and trust towards my talent and my impulses at every given moment.

It may look and sound like blind faith, but I am realising that it does not make me blind at all. I can feel very clearly the outcome of it all; it is only blind because I have no words/examples, so maybe it is blind because everyone else outside of me is blind to the clarity I have in my no-mind.

Hope is not something that one has because they have seen what can be, or know what the outcome is. To truly have hope, there needs to be a buy in, towards a possible outcome that the world has never seen before.

As humans it is always a difficult task for us, when asked to believe in something we’ve not seen or experience.

But as I continue my practice and expand my craft as an actor-artist, I am at this interesting space where I realised I can have the capacity to believe in something I feel within me, even if it has not been materialised. This something is not a vision, or an idea, or anything tangible.

It is a knowing, a feeling. A sense of peace. A sense of easefulness.
It’s the knowing that I am actually at peace and at ease with whatever happens even though my body is reacting violently to the chaos in the air and the anxiety reverberating through bodies in communities.

My body too is feeling and having to handle the violence, but having access to what’s beyond the body, I know that all will be alright, even though it does not feel like it at all in this very moment.

I honestly do not know if I can convince another person to believe what I’m saying when I am crying with them in tandem, bones breaking at heart wrenching news, and blood boiling at the inhumane words I hear.

But maybe convincing is not what is needed. I’m feeling more and more sure that it is not what I should focus on.

It’s not about convincing anyone. It’s about continuing to make clearer what this layer beneath is for myself. To thicken the membrane of trust and intuition that I have found.

At this point of the whole thought process about blind faith, maybe it’s not just about everyone else being blind to what I can feel.
Maybe, the being blind is what is also required to grow that faith and strengthen that trust muscle.
I want to expand on this a little bit. Because choosing to close a blind eye, and being blind to reality is not what I’m talking about here.
This chosen blindness, is the choosing to be blind to what I am expected to feel in the moment, as anger and hatred is rallied against all of us and each other. It is choosing to close my eyes to the noise of what I feel physically, so I can truly listen to the soul, the heart, to the higher self/god/spirit guides, and reach out to each other beyond the endless cycles of trauma and pain.

Remove my physical body and what is there?

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